what if i'm afraid? what if i'm afraid of livin from
now on? what if i'm afraid of dying? of opening my eyes in the morning...what if missin you will kill me?
i can never find my words..not about you..these words
of mine are so little..we outgrew my words, any capacity of mine to express verbally..i was never good at showing people how
much i love them..i could be feelin everythin...'i love you' never came easier than with you..
i have moments when i lose my breath..like this one..when
i close my eyes and wish to God to die already. it's so...incomplete, senseless, pointless, meaningless,false,frail,dumb,
useless living without you..want to know there's no damn SUN in the morning, there's no 'well mornin brightlight..', no smile,
no rain, no...nothing...there's just this shadow of the person you love, 'zombified', frightened, on a perpetuous verge of
a nervous breakdown, walkin through an almost empty house, lookin for you, wearin your shirt and crying your rain in her reheated
cup of coffee..that's me..this is now.this mass of longing and pain and sorrow moving around uselessly, not breathin, not
thinkin is me. i told you to take me with you..i did..and now i can't even see what i'm writing cause of this damn rain you
keep pouring from my eyes..i have so many memories of you..of us..how could i not love you? i wish you took me with you..i
wish it wouldnt take as much to see you..i wish you'll never stop rainin on me..givin me rainbows..
you know we changed the world, you an' me? WE changed
the world..we did..we did..if we would have had the chance we could've made the world spin the other way. i don't care if
they believe me or not, i know we could. we could do anything together..anything..
i really miss the mornings you know..and the evenings.and
nights..and afternoons..i was trying to remember you, the first ever memory i have of you and i saw myself in front of a mirror
saying 'aw i'm so pretty'..i was about 2 and a half or 3 then..i remember your laughter..did i ever tell you your laughter
never changed over the years? it didnt..at all..your voiced changed but not the way you laughed..that secret little smile
in your eyes never changed..it always was there..i hear your voice around the house..i hear your voice in me..and it freezes
me..it keeps me from sleeping or eating or anything else..i could listen to that voice for..what's left of my life..i miss
your voice..
how'd you change me like that?i can't find a specific
moment to point out and say 'AHA! SO THAT'S WHEN YOU CHANGED MY LIFE! THAT'S WHEN YOU MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO BREATHE
WITHOUT YOU!' was it when i said that looking in the mirror? when you came back home after college the first time? when we
made love for the first time? i miss feeling complete..feeling you near..i can't get your eyes out of my mind..it doesnt
matter if i close my eyes or if i keep them open..you're still there..your look won't go away..killin me. i love the way you
looked at me. like there was no one else on Earth but me..God how i love you..you're always with me...
always with you...
